Trust in the Lord

It has been a long time since I last updated my blog. One reason is 'cuz I've been busy with work and the constant re-org (4-5 mgr. in less than 6 mo.). But the main reason is 'cuz something major was happening to me that brought me joy along the way (my journey thru that will be coming in the near (hopefully) future in another blog dedicated to my daughter, Kaitlyn).

Today I'm sitting in front of the computer listening to last week's sermon online 'cuz Kaitlyn has been acting up, so once again we didn't make it to church. There were two sermons available online, promise and joy. It's like God is answering my prayer and helped me picked the second sermon 'cuz the message seems to ans. my frustration lately. I've been feeling sad and alone and wondering why God is letting me go thru the infection and when it's almost healed allowed it to reoccurred. When everyone is going out shopping for gifts and getting together with friends and families, I'm in pain and trying to recover. I cried to God asking why he's allowing this to happen to me (actually I know why but still want to ask the why...my friend Ben said God still doesn't think I'm letting go of controlling my life and trust in God fully to take care of everything) and feeling like God is not with me. I'm questioning the timing 'cuz now I'm not able to take care of Kaitlyn 100% and has to depend on others to help out (like my mother-in-law to babysit Kaitlyn, whom I'm very grateful to). I'm wondering when it's going to be over.

I think the main message to take away from the sermon for me is to "reach out and trust that he will save us." The trust (or faith) is the key here. We often hold on to things so tight 'cuz we want to have control of our lives and situations. We feel vulnerable otherwise. But God wants to show us how much he loves us and how his way is the best for he can see the past, present and future. When we try to control everything in our lives (self centered), we don't see or allow God to give the best to us (God centered). So sometimes he will allow something bad to happen to make us see that we're not in control. Thru this process, our faith is also being tested. I've been very lucky so far that my faith has gotten stronger. However, this current situation has gotten my faith shaky again. I'm questioning God's timing (both in turns of why it's happening now and how come it's taking so long to recover when the General Surgent said it's supposed to be a minor surgery 'cuz we caught it early). I've been asking for prayers from friends and hope that I will walk away from this experience with more faith in him. One thing good that came out of this is that I'm writing this in my blog and sharing with whoever is reading. I'm hoping that someone will get something out from this. That's also why God allows certain things to happen...thru our experience others will see God's love. Hopefully they will be one step closer to knowing the almighty God.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you
compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! -- Isaiah 30:18